Life is not easy when you have a big heart. I swear I love everyone. I strive to share the love of Christ and to be open and honest with those around me. But being open leads to vulnerability and I am always putting my heart in the hands of others. Despite the fact that I know they have flaws. And I get hurt all too often by the ones I love the most. Its cyclic. Open, get hurt, close. Open, close, open, close. It is exhausting. I mope for a while and eventually get over it.
But is it possible to embrace the heartache and the pain? God did not make me to have a broken heart and he did not make me to break the hearts of others. So far I am doing pretty well on the latter half of that, as far as I know I haven’t been the breaker, only the broken.
So I am back in a broken state. It is not the same as last time. Not that same situation and I am taking it better. I miss the idea of what would have been more than the reality of the situation. I am focusing on God.
Someday a man will walk into my life who treats me with all the respect in the world, who cherishes me and treats me with delicacy.
God has a plan for me. I can feel it in my very being. He is drawing me to Him like a magnet. Nothing can be in my way. A relationship won’t work unless the other individual is headed in the same direction. Wavering is unacceptable.
God is the bull’s-eye. There is only one path to Him. It is straight and it is narrow. Few travel it well. God has an absolute and eternal plan for my life. And I am stoked! He is pulling all of me to Him, taking my heart out of the hands He does not deem worthy. Because He is a jealous God and HE wants ALL of ME. He wants my broken pieces and the closer I get to Him the tighter the pieces fit together and I become whole in His hands.
And I feel more whole in this brokenness than I did before.