I feel weighted down.
Maybe its the dreary weather again, but my heart is so heavy.
Kent is so liberal, it is hard to be a Christian here. Even an open-minded and open-hearted one (two things I think all Christians should be). No matter whether I am respectful, listening, and even fully comprehending of the views of others; as soon as I say anything conservative in nature I am slapped with the titles of “bigot,” “ignorant,” “close-minded,” and even “uneducated.”
Sometimes it feels like entering the den of lions and sin. It’s hard standing alone, I would like to be anywhere but here sometimes. Is my education really worth it when I would be fine being a missionary somewhere else?
I sigh because alas I see the need for a missionary is as prevalent here at Kent as it is in any foreign country. I just didn’t expect it to be so hard. I have never met such solid hate against me before.
I guess I didn’t think God would want us to be hated for standing up for Him. I understand Christians will be persecuted. But I am unclear about how to even stand up for my faith without causing conflict with others; people at Kent seem so touchy, you say “I don’t think God approves of homosexual activity” and you get a pie-thrown in your face (worse I saw another group proclaiming themselves “christians” laughing at it). I don’t want to cause undue strife because I have seen and heard of Christians completely turning people away from God because they are too political or theological.
I don’t want to pay attention to the world around me. But that would be ignoring the great commission.
We sing a song at my church here. I scoured the web to find it, but apparently its just sung at my church. The words go: “I need to get back to my first love. I need you. I need to be with you…”
I need to get back to Jesus. I need to let Him envelope me so the outside world won’t hurt so much. And I am running to Him. I will run my whole life to get back to my first love. And the best part is: He’s not running away. He’s not even standing still waiting. As soon as I picked up my foot, He started running to me.
I need to get back to my First Love. No matter the weights of criticisms. I need You. Nor the singe of attacks. I need to be with You.
I am running with arms wide open and can only hope that as I do my hands will touch those around me and lead them to Jesus too.