It’s been a while. It seems like it’s always been a while though.
May is coming to a close and I am so ready for it.
Since leaving Kent for the summer, I have been living with my parents and working at the Starbucks in my hometown. I love my parents, but they can stress me out easily I am used to living on my own and doing my own thing. Sometimes I think they don’t understand how serious I am about my life and my responsibilities, so we get in arguments easily about loans, transportation, graduate school and the like. Also I am always uncomfortable with not working towards some sort of goal, so being at home and working a job that doesn’t forward me has been frustrating.
Tomorrow I am moving to Grove City, PA. I am not sure what I am getting into, but I am stoked. I will be living in a duplex with several Christian students from the greater Ohio-Pennsylvania area. I am excited for the people I will meet and the friendships that will be formed. On the weekdays, I will be working for Brad Mckoy’s ministry, making videos and doing whatever communications/journalism work that they need done. (If you remember, Brad was the one I went to Columbus with at the beginning of the year. It was one of the only breaks where I felt lifted spiritually). On the weekends, I will be returning to my parents and working at Starbucks in order to retain my job over the summer. I am grateful for all the distraction as summer without camp has been looming heavy on my heart and spirit.
And I am also nervous about the pressure that will be put on my relationship with God. I suppose any strain will be positive though considering where it lies now. Our relationship has been on the rocks ever since all the crap hit the fan (what with every Christian organization I have been in either smacking me in the face or crumbling beneath my feet). As I mentioned in my last post, I am pretty wary of Christians these days. Sometimes I would just like to do my own thing regarding religion rather than deal with other people. It is not because I think very highly of myself, in fact it might be the opposite situation. I have fallen in my walk and I am not sure I want others to know me at my worst. Also after all of the experiences I have had, I have turned into a pretty liberal Christian. I don’t think anyone can know the state of someones relationship with God and therefore am wary about most of the common judgements Christians tend to have.
Despite all of these fears, I know I need this summer. I need the community and have been begging God for it for the last 9 months. I am ready for a change because if I return to Kent in the same spiritual state that I left it in… I am afraid to think of what direction my path will take. I realize with my own life, I have been pretty disconnected not only with God and others, but with myself. Like the apostles, I have been fishing on my side of the boat. Obviously I haven’t been catching much so I am ready to spend this summer letting God tell me where to put my net.